taken from Course Recommendations for 1995, by Matt Rainson So, here are my recommendations for course offerings to be implemented next year. ART Nudie Art - This class will focus solely on art involving people without any clothes on, including sections on Chubby Renaissance Women, Nude Greek Guys Throwing Things, and Oriental Drawings You'll Never See On the Wall of Huanan Gardens. CHEMISTRY Orgo, Orgo, and More Orgo! - This class, a high-intensity compilation of Organic Chemistry I, II, and III compressed into the span of one quarter, is intended for those who hate life and wish to see what it feels like when one's head actually explodes from neuron-generated heat. Please gring your own tarp and six five-subject college-rulled notebooks. Recovering from Orgo - This class is intended for those who do not elect to take the above class and actually live through Organic Chemistry. This calss combines intensive play therapy and counseling sessions with electroshock and psychoactive drugs to aid one in dealing with Orgo-related flashbacks, night terrors, and panic attacks. COMPUTER SCIENCE Locating All the Dirty Stuff on the Internet - This course aids one in locating the plethora of sexual material on the Internet, including IRC discussion groups, News postings, and binary images. Note: Must be over 18 years of age to sign up for this course. ECONOMICS AND BUSINESS Sometimes People Buy Things - A general overview of macroeconomics intended for non-majors who need the class for a general education requirement and don't really want to learn anything. Buisness Majors are People, Too! - This class is ment to show the world of buisness that it has a warmer, more humanistic side. Includes units on Foreclosing on Childrens's Charity Hospitals, Suing Churches and Re-Zoning Wetlands for Strip-Mall Development. ENGLISH What you Can Really Do With an English Major - This class intends to show intentional English majors what they can expect after graduation. Includes field trips to McDonald's and Marty's World O'Bargins Used Car Emporium. What Your English Teachers are Laughing So Knowingly About During Those "Comic Relief" Scenes in Shakespeare - This class will finally translate all thsoe scenes that your teachers always refused to translate for you, including the gatekeeper's monologue in Macbeth which doesn't seem funny at all but is, in reality, a whole lot worse than most of those "Man From Nantucket" limericks. FRENCH We have discontinued all instruction in the French language because we recently found out that the entire language is a cruel hoax which originated in England for use solely as comedic fodder in "Monty Python" movies, and that the country of "France" does not actually exist. MATHEMATICS Why Math Sucks - Yes, we finally admit it, math just sucks. Nobody likes it, and nobody really understands anything past long idvision, we just make it up as we go along. Derivatives? Ha! We got drunk one night and made those up. This class is a one time only offering, and after this, we will never admit that we ever taught it and all records of it will be erased from school files. MUSIC Tissue Paper and Comb I - This class is intended for those who have no previous experience in the playing of the tissue paper and comb but have a strong desire to learn. Tissue Paper and Comb II - This class will continue the study of the tissue paper and comb in a more in-depth manner, including an examination of Bach's "Cantas and Fugues for the Tissue Paper and Comb" and "The Well-Tempered Tissue Paper and comb." Prereq: Tissue Paper and Comb I PHILOSOPHY Thinking About Big Stuff - A course intended to help one answer questions that have no bearing on the real world such as "Why do cocktail toothpicks have little plastic thingies on top of them?" and "Why does your nose always itch when you have something really disgusting on your hands?" Why Religion is Stupid - Tis class will turn the most devout into atheists through the intensive study of such works as "God, What a Laugh", and "Chalk Another Big One Up Against That 'God' Guy", by Nietzsche. PSYCHOLOGY Electroshock Therapy For Fun and Profit - Be the life of every party and learn a new and interesting hobby at the same time! Please bring to the first class an extension cord and a large sheet of aluminum foil. Screwing With People's Minds - Learn the technique of asking seemingly innocuous questions such as "Why do you really think you are looking forward to seeing your sister so much over Thanksgiving break?" and "Why are you always chewing on that pen?" that will give people the heebie-jeebies for days. Sex 'n' Death - The class that bares all! What we're really all about. We guarantee you'll never look at your parents, friends, siblings or house pets the same way agoin! SOCIOLOGY Society: A One-Way trip Down the Crapper - and in-depth study of today's social problems and why they are all far too big to solve. Note: Should be taken in conjunction with "Why Religion Sucks" to give one a true understanding of where all those depressed modern poets are coming from.